No antique is as rare, old, or valuable as it seems-unless your neighbor owns it. 
		-- Murphy's First Law of Antiques
%
Old and precious carpets weaken bowels and bladders. 
		-- Jenning's Corollary Concerning Oriental Carpets and Pets
%
The best tag sales always have the least parking. 
		-- Shelly's Rule
%
The odds of finding one of the forty original priceless copies of the Declaration of Independence in the backing of an old frame increased to one-in-ten-billion, after you sold yours at a flea market for five bucks last year. 
		-- Don's Law of Diminishing Opportunity
%
The only sure way to find bargain prices at an auction, is to consign your antiques there. 
		-- Tucker Frey's Universal Truth 
%
During that one ten minute period of the day when the sun blazes the hottest, Mother Nature invariably calls. 
		-- Hotkowski's First Law Concerning Porta-Potties and Outdoor Antique Shows
% 
The biggest, most wretched slob in three states, will always be standing one spot ahead of you in line. 
		-- Hotkowski's Second Law Concerning Porta-Potties and Outdoor Antique Shows
%
Tell a man you saw a flying saucer last night, and he'll believe you. Tell him your mechanical bank is in working order, and he'll put a coin in to see for himself. 
		-- McCarthy's Axiom
%
The antiques that will rise the most in value tomorrow, are those same items you sold yesterday. 
		-- Samaha's Appreciation Edict 
%
An antique that seems too good to be true, probably is. 
		-- Kathy Lee's Dictum
%
All people whose mother was born before the year 1945 can rest assured in the knowledge that she threw away the following articles: 
A.) Your baseball card collection including two Mickey Mantle rookie cards and one Honus Wagner tobacco card in mint condition. 
B.) Every Barbie and GI Joe doll including accessories, and the original boxes you painstakingly packed away in the attic. 
C.) Anything having to do with the Arts & Crafts period. 
D.) Uncle Mill's entire collection of hand-painted tin toys, lead soldiers, and boxed trains. 
E.) Your enormous comic book collection including the first issues of Superman, Batman, and Spiderman. 
		-- Einstein's Law
%
The odds of the tricycle running into the card table are directly influenced by two factors; the strength of the table's legs, and the value of any objects set upon it. 
		-- Nancy's Law
%
No matter how early you arrive, you'll always get there too late. The best buy of the day always take place in front of you. 
		-- Ferguson's Observation's Concerning Flea Markets
%
Any vase dropped in a tall grass meadow will invariably land on a rock. The number of rocks in the field is irrelevant. 
		-- The Breakability Factor of Glass and Porcelain 
%
The legibility of the signature is inversely proportional to the importance of the artist. 
		-- Caba's Axiom Concerning Signatures and Paintings
%
To spot the expert, pick the one who charges the most money. 
		-- Murphy's Theory Concerning Antique Dealers
%
If it doesn't sell in the first hour, it isn't going to sell. 
If it doesn't sell in the first ten minutes it won't sell in the first hour. 
Nothing sells in the first ten minutes. 
		-- Marshall's Tenets Concerning Three Day Antique Shows
% 
The odds of a husband and wife agreeing on any antique purchase are practically zero. 
		-- Hammitt's Constant
%
Write down what you paid for it. Multiply that figure by two. Divide this figure in half. This is the value. 
		-- Murphy's Formula For Discerning The Value Of Any Antique 
%
No matter how much care and money you put into your antique collection, your neighbors are still going to think its trash. 
		-- Cohan's Edict
%
