Your worst looking field will always be next to the paved road used by your banker and most of your neighbours. 
		-- Macadam's Law
%
Machinery never breaks down when you don't really need it. 
		-- Deere's Dictums n1
%
Unloading augers break only when the combine bin is completely full. 
		-- Deere's Dictums n2
%
If both the monitor and the planter are going to breakdown, they will do so simultaneously. 
		-- Deere's Dictums n3
%
The most essential parts are always on back-order. 
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n1
%
A nut dropped on the ground will roll until it finds a crack to fall into. 
Corollary: The more you need the nut, the deeper and narrower the crack will be.
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n2
%
The tool you need is back at the shop. 
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n3
%
The more work you have to get done, the more likely it is to rain. 
		-- Precipitation Precepts n1
%
It never hails on bare ground. 
		-- Precipitation Precepts n2
%
Following a summer-long drought, the rainfall received during harvest will be equivalent to twice the accumulated moisture deficit for the entire growing season. 
		-- Precipitation Precepts n3
%
Mud-holes are deeper than they look. 
		-- Meyer's Laws
%
The nozzle behind the sprayer tank will be the first one to plug 
		-- The Law of Inverse Visibility
%
When you can't discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you've already checked. 
		-- Kibitzer's Constant
%
The field that most needs manure is the one farthest from the barn. 
		-- The Humus Homily
%
When you mistakenly plant at too high a population, every seed will grow. 
		-- Planter's Paradox
%
Nails are selectively attracted to the inside dual. 
		-- The Puncture Principle
%
Weeds are the only plants that thrive in miserable weather. 
		-- Tare's Tenets n1
%
The twitchgrass is always greener on your side of the fence. 
		-- Tare's Tenets n2
%
Problem weeds appear first at the back end of the field you visit least. 
Corollary: You won't see them until the seeds have gone through the combine. 
		-- Tare's Tenets n3
%
The number of salesmen that will call on you on any given day will be directly proportional to the amount and urgency of the work you have to get done. 
Corollary: None of them will be selling anything you want. 
		-- Sam Slick's Sophism
%
Weed escapes increase exponentially once the corn is too big to cultivate. 
		-- Scuffler's Law
%
Corn borers are selectively attracted to the hybrid with the weakest stalks. 
		-- The Entomologist's Edict
%
Spray drift is selectively attracted to soybean fields. 
		-- The Dicamba Dictum
%
Coulters never fall off on the headlands. 
		-- Plowman's Precept n1
%
The last round to be plowed next to the line fence is always one furrow narrower than the plow. 
		-- Plowman's Precept n2
%
Stones get bigger at night. 
		-- The Harvester's Homily
%
Tires never go flat when the gravity wagon is empty. 
		-- Dunlop's Dictum
%
The futures market will go up the limit the day after you sell. 
		-- Brokers' By-Law
%
If you stop for a beer, after having been in the field since 5 a.m., the first person you see will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) your mother-in-law. (Note: "Molson's Golden" is a brand of beer in Canada.) 
		-- The "Golden" Rule
%
The only person your family pet ever bites will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) the local animal control officer. 
		-- Dave's Dogma
%
If your hired man spreads fertilizer on the wrong field, he will put it on one that already tests "Excessive". 
		-- The Potash Principle
%
Cattle never break out while you're watching. 
Corollary: You'll find them in the field you entered in the crop competition. 
		-- The Taurine Tenet
%
The announcement of the one meeting you most wanted to attend will arrive in the mail the day after the event. 
		-- Postal Postulate
%
The field that most needs lime will be the one you've just converted to no-till. 
		-- The Carbonate Constant
%
The day you let your cousin from the city fuel up your biggest tractor will be the day after the dealer put gasoline in the diesel tank. 
		-- Shell's Law
%
On the hottest day of the year, the air conditioner on your tractor will break down, the heater will be stuck on "High", and all of the windows will be seized shut. 
On the coldest day of the year, the heater will break down, the air conditioner will be stuck on "High" and the windows will be seized open. 
		-- The Perverse Principles of Temperature Regulation
%
